after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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