She announced her abortion via fbk
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
