Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
