Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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