bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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