you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
