i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
