i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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