I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Randomize
