Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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