oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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