apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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