dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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