I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
