He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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