Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
