There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
