Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
