dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
