he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
