I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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