Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
