now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
