Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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