I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
