Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
