Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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