You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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