I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
