I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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