He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
