I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
