So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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