she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
