yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
