Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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