alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
