I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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