in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
