i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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