I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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