Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
