He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
