oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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