I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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