im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
