Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
