so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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