before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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