Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
