So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
