What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
